To My Emotionally Distant Boyfriend (Edited)

To My Emotionally Distant Boyfriend,

I know you have told me several times that you are incapable of expressing your feelings, but then I wonder how you did it so perfectly well when you wanted me to be your girl so badly. 

You told me earlier, that , you love me. But you never tell me how you miss me or how badly you crave for me when we don't talk for months. Tell me, do you think about me when you are out with your friends? Tell me, do you think about me when you are doing some work or when you are about to sleep every night ?

Why do you act so cold? Why your replies are so lame? When did you change so drastically? I want you to have fun, I honestly want you to do whatever you want to even if it doesn't include me, but can you please make me feel like I'm a part of it ?

I crave to hear things from you, the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful - the things you observed, and the things that genuinely reminded you of me. I crave for those midnight conversation where we used to share our secrets and become more vulnerable to each other. I crave for that stupid talks where we did nothing but still were together. 

But you don't crave any of that. You get your priorities straight - I won't talk to her. And for you, it's never about me. 

Do I matter to you? Because you don't even find a single reason to talk to me. You can say I'm an overthinker, but don't you see how hard I'm trying to keep our conversation going, when you are just trying to avoid it. And it's because I'm still afraid to lose you. 

Yours,

Vulnerable ex who still can't believe that we are not going to be together anyways. 

P.C. : Gallery 

Thank you 

Edits:

Those who are following this blog knows how much I'm interested in learning Telugu. 

Last year, I did learn lots of words. But I forgot all. Reason is I have no one with whom I can speak Telugu. My dearest friend and I rarely talks in his native language (I know he'll be mad, if I speak). 😂

Anyways, this year, I started writing Telugu words in a diary. And they are mostly Google searched and few from my ex chats. 🤫 

Not a kind of resolution, but I really wanna learn it. 😄 I try writing around 5 words each day. Sometimes (like today) I exceeded it. 

Started 2 days back.

Ignore the background 😂 (my room is always messy . I sleep with my books at night). 

I could have edited it but I loved my nails and ring in the picture😂😂😂. Just girls things🤷😂 (ignore nail paint, it's been applied over a month) 

Thanks ;)