I feel too strongly for you !

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Many people have told me that I just get too weak when it comes to you. I just can't live without you. You dominate me. Or they tell me that I don't have self respect. It does not hurt me. What hurts me is my truth. My truth that I am not weak at all. I have self respect. I know my worth. I know what I deserve. 

But I know deep inside that I'm correct. I'm waiting for a right person. All the weakness I've for you is because you know that you deserve to be someone's priority. I have my truth. And this truth doesn't hurt me . 

But when I see you going far away from me, I sometimes get into the thought of whether I was right or not. Whether the truth I'm holding is right or not. Whether all my feelings for you is right or not. And this truth often conflictes with my very own self. 

The self I often hide from everyone. The self that only pray for you. The self that respect you more than anyone. The self that loves you no matter what. And this self is screaming me now and asking, "am I right?"

This truth makes me down . This real world makes me feel down. The real you makes me feel sad. The real feelings makes me feel worst. And this realisation makes me realises things, I never thought.

This truth is what makes my world. This truth is what keeps us away. This truth is what realises me that we were never made for each other. 

But still.....

Even after all these. I have hope that you'll be back. You'll realise my importance. You'll see my worth. You'll make efforts to get me back. And this makes me down for you. This truth is what I'm hiding from the world and you. 

I feel too strongly for you. And that's why I feel every emotions of yours. Whether it's happiness, sadness or anger. These all resides within me everytime I talk to to you. 

Thanks ;)

P.S. : my Instagram id was deactivated from last 7 months. And today one of my friend messaged me that your Instagram id will be deleted if it's deactivated more than few months. So she told me to reactivate it. 

Though I don't want to reactivate it. I've two reasons for this. Firstly, I don't want to use Instrgram until I complete my exams. It will only distract me. Secondly it has some memories in it and I really don't want to be nostalgic. Let it be. If its deleted than it'll delete our messages too. And eventually will end everything that's still left.

Anyways, I read few articles where it is said that Instagram doesn't delete your id no matter how many months/year you had deactivated it. 

My friend was like, "it doesn't recognise my Id even when it's logged in at another app, and you think it won't delete your id."😂

Another one : I had a dream today. That I saw someone's WhatsApp profile (obviously the same person) which has that cute face, he was wearing blue t-shirt/shirt and spectacles. There he was typing something. And it looked so cute that I woke up after that thinking it's someone 🥺😂. 

I found something special. It was my friends status. And I found it totally relatable. Here they are : 

And after reading this I really think tom and I don't deserve to be together. We don't need to meet or talk. Anyways, I got to know few things from one of my friend. And she showed me few screenshots. After seeing them, I don't want to talk now. Don't want to see him even. Anyways he has some other people with him so it's better, we were in no contact in 2020, so we shouldn't be further. 

Thank you 💙

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