Take your journal and go to a peaceful spot outside and write about how you feel in this moment.

This was the question I left in my last post. But today I am answering it.  I'm in the most peaceful place of my home. If speaking frankly , it's of my room too. My balcony is the most peaceful spot. It's so soothing to be here. 

My balcony is my favourite place. If I am worried ,I sit here. I'm overthinking, I walk here. That's why may be my parents made this. They knew how their daughter is. 

This place has different vibes. From sun to moon , I see everything everyday. Though it's locked completely , yet it gives the most awesome feeling. When I feel lonely ,I walk here like today I am walking and writing this. 

It's all surrounded by trees. Small plants are kept near me . They are hanging in the windows and grill of it. The moon is shining brightly today. I wish it could take all my unnecessary worries someday. 

I really think , I've a habit of overthinking. That's why now also , I am doing so. And that's why may be I am writing this post today. 

I'm not happy at all I guess. I really think sometimes , why is it that though I have 90 contacts still I don't have anyone to share something when I need them. I'm not saying that always this happen. But sometimes. Or may be it's just me not messaging them. I feel weird messaging someday. Because I know they are of my age. Sometimes ,they can console me but can't solve the problem.

The biggest of all is I don't want to talk to anyone. And if by chance I message someone then I delete it. Don't know but just want to be alone. I am not able to trust someone the most important of all. And that's the reason why I am trying to get away with people. Though I message sometimes and sometimes I receive but yet . The biggest of all is I accepted the fact that my problems cannot be solved by others. The simple reason to it is that everyone are busy in their life. And expecting them to give their all time is wrong. 

I told one of friend about the problem. She said that I am worrying unnecessary. You will get your dream college surely. Another friend said do what you do , you'll achieve everything.  And the last person I messaged said me that he is busy.  I know they are right but still the fear is so much now. 

Guess what , I can't get a medical seat (MBBS) at 600 . Even if I get then it will be a worst college. All thanks to my state where people make 640 to get into a good reputed college . This time it will be more and in the coming year don't know what will happen. 

My brother had told me about his friend , who took drop at 605. Why? Because he was getting the lower college's. I'm not doubting my capabilities or may be. I told my teacher that I am worried about all this. He said I am scoring good so I don't need to worry. But still , every state has different cutoff . My friend will get the top colleges in their state at around 580 . But I will get the same at 640. Seriously? 

I was planning to get into AIQ (all India quota) and may be to get into my state I need to be in AIQ. 

Think about a college , I saw since childhood. I considered it the worst college. And guess what the cut off of this too is 595. Why people here are so talented? 

I'm laughing now. I'm also the one who loved making high scores so that no one can be able to be near it . I really made new plans. Not on when to study or something. But yes on what to solve and when to solve. I'm really planning to solve JEE 10 years for my exam. I'm thinking of solving them in January and February as there will be no classes then along with NEET 10 years. 

 I think of situation of every student. There is lot of mental pressure seriously. And the worst is all you can't share to anyone because everyone is going through the same. I had one friend , she was such a topper. My best competitor ever. I really remember the time when we used to solve questions and get answer within difference of second. She used to worry about her career alot. May be I am becoming like her. 

Today I gave my test. The result will be declared tomorrow. Though the paper was easy still I am worried. Worried about everything. 

Looking at the moon. It look so beautiful. I can't see the stars but . They are not in the sky now. It's sad. I'm remembering all the quotes and songs related to moon and sky. 

Their is a deep silence in the nature.  I can hear water drops falling out. Some people at the very end of the road are discussing something. Though I can't see them but can hear their voices. Children are fighting for something that's why they are shouting loudly now. 

"TELL ME AGAIN , 

how the sun loves the moon ,

that he dies each night ,

so she can BREATHE." 

I can feel the wind now. It's so peaceful. I said my heart out what I wanted to say. Some one correctly says that we are never alone. I'm just overthinking. Their is nothing impossible. 

The cutoff go high here because people compete . I'm from the same place , how I can demotivate myself. I can achieve it. May be I need to work a little more harder to come in their category. And hard work never goes in vain. 

कर्मण्येवाधिकारस्ते मा फलषु कदाचन।

मा कर्मफलहेतुर्भूर्मा ते सङ्गोऽस्त्वकमज़्णि॥

(द्वितीय अध्याय, श्लोक 47)

इस श्लोक का अर्थ है: कर्म पर ही तुम्हारा अधिकार है, लेकिन कर्म के फलों में कभी नहीं... इसलिए कर्म को फल के लिए मत करो और न ही काम करने में तुम्हारी आसक्ति हो। (यह श्रीमद्भवद्गीता के सर्वाधिक महत्वपूर्ण श्लोकों में से एक है, जो कर्मयोग दर्शन का मूल आधार है।)

Geeta also says the same. That do your karma (work) and not to worry about the fruits. I really need to do my work properly. There are people out their who are working more than me. When I will compete with them then I need to be at their level. Competition is always between the same people. It's always between what I was yesterday and what I am today. I have to change my today everyday to make a better tomorrow everyday. 

May be it went quiet long. I was really stressed. Writing down here made my day. The feeling of fear has gone. The feeling of doing my best everyday is important . I'll really do my best . 

Thanks for reading .