2020 WRAP

2020, the most dramatic year of everyone's life I guess. Many lost their closed ones in this pandemic as well as many lost their earnings. To be honest, this year was harsh for everyone. 

As I say always, everyone has a story to share. To be honest, I too have. You know, every time on the last day of the year just before the new year used to come. I used to write few things in personal diary. Unfortunately, this time the diary is in my hostel and I'm at home. So, I'm making a wrap here. The complete 2020 wrap.  

In my dairy I used to mention just few important things and mostly all were from the last few months. But since I'm writing a post here. I'll try mentioning things from the starting of the year. And dates too if in case I remember few. 

P.S. : I'm mentioning my friends name only after asking from them.

Let's begin it. 

JANUARY

• 1st January : I remember my first wish were from around 6-7 People. My parents and brother was on videocall. My hostel mate around 4-5 were standing next to me . So obviously they all were the first. Then, I had message from Tom. Then from Ayu and dida and after this I really don't remember. Actually, till night my hostel mates were there completely. So they all wished me . And on call family and few friends on messages. That's set. 

I still remember I slept around 3:30 am that night and woke up around 7:20 and I had my class. I got up and just washed my face and ran to class. I haven't missed even a single period till now. 😜 

And may be at evening we had a party. Yes, and I remember wearing that blue gawn possibly.  

•5th January : Scored the lowest marks in the test. I went in half shock. 

• 12th January : may be that's the first time I had breakup with him. He wasn't talking to me for few days and all of the sudden he burst out saying his parents got to know and he needs to end this. 

•28th January : This was possibly the best day in the whole month. Deshna's birthday. We celebrated it and it happened all of sudden. No one planned about it. 😅 

If I say in few sentences then honestly I was crying whole January due to him. Seriously, I almost spent around 20 days crying. 🤦 My test got spoiled because of this,(last minor test) that happened around 26th January possibly. I was distracted from my studies that time due to all these. Didn't used to talk. I remember Deepti and musku used to take me out especially because of this reason. 

FEBRUARY

• 12th February : I don't remember if this was the exact date but it was around 2-3 days before when he blocked and unblocked. Though he apologized later for his behaviour but I don't know I just hated him for this behaviour. And I think that was the point where I thought not to think about him.

• 14th February : To be honest this was the best day. I remember going out with Deshna for a walk. And we had a conversation about love (first time possibly we discussed all these apart from studies) . I remember she was talking about her male best friend. And I think that turned out to be my best conversations till date. Though I've many with her. She is awesome 💙. 

I got proposal that day too when I was with Jeel and Ayu. I remember this because I had a conversation with him afterwards where I had mentioned about it😜. (May be this after 3-4 days).

•16 th February : it may be one or two days more or less but around it. We had our test series. So I remember I was online on WhatsApp where I was asking few doubts to my teacher and Deshna was on call. And at that time I received his message. The first time I ignored it. I usually used to click it at the very moment. But on that day I had a thought he's never gonna change neither we are going to be together, so it's better to stay away from him. It just happened that I didn't replied to him the very second. After around 2 hours, when I was free and tired. That time I replied everyone's message including him. And he was free may be and that night we again had conversation till 1 or 2. 

•22nd February : last day in my hostel. I remember we all went to terrace late night and we all had so much fun. We had train at evening/afternoon possibly and one day before we had clicked so many selfies together. It was the most awesome day. 

•24/25 th February: I don't know when but we both started talking again like a couple. It happened all of the sudden. To be honest, I still don't know how did we came back together. 

In short, February was the most awesome month. My test series went fantastic. I had a call from Anil Nagar sir first time (because of some notes). He was back in my life. I met my father and came back home. Roamed all over the city with dida. Had the best time with everyone around. Hostel buddies came more closer. 

MARCH 

• 7th March : I had breakup (final one). Honestly, the moment he told me, I was like he is joking. Even the moment he blocked me I was crying and I couldn't believe it happened. I don't know when I slept that time. At morning, as soon as I woke up the first thing I did was checking my phone whether it was real or my imagination. I was so pissed off that I actually uninstalled every app that day. 

•9th March : My cousin brother birthday. We all went to party. And after two days, I smiled. ;)

•17th March: 4 years completed. It's a secret💙. 

• 26th March : My brother came back home. My Happiness came back 💖. 

I think March was the starting month where I started getting sad and depressed. I don't know depressed word is right to use or not but I do think if it could explain my situation then it really suits well. I don't know what happened to me for days. I was numb. I remember I started sleeping in my room (earlier I was in brothers room). My room is totally on the other side while all others are near. So my parents used to worry that why I'm sleeping there. There was so many things. And finally Corona entered. 

APRIL 

I really don't remember what I did in this complete month. My lectures got started. So I tried to be busy whole day so I couldn't miss him. But eventually it all vanished. I remember once my net was over at night due to lectures. And I don't know how but I got worried what if he messages me. Anyways, I got closer to few of my friends that time because I used to cry alot (I mean it when I say alot, a more than even you can expect). The worst phase was about to come. 

MAY 

Uninstalled every apps on my phone. Deactivated all accounts. No talks with anyone. Simply alone. Sometimes my friends used to call and that time I used to be happy for second. Tried watching lectures whole day and studied every night. But something was missing. I was getting good marks, was on track and still not happy. Something was missing inside me. I used to be awake whole night , possibly after 3, I used to sleep. I didn't used phone even , sometimes web series or films but most of the time, I was struggling to sleep. I'm getting goosebumps when writing about this month. It was the worst month I ever had in my life. Seriously, I don't want anyone to go through this phase ever. Where they want to scream and shout and still they can't say a word. I don't know but I couldn't talk with any. Possibly around end of the month, I installed Hangout, because of Deshna. We used to discuss questions there. Ayu came there too because of me. Sofa was the one listening to my every story that time. And thankfully this month ended and the phase too. I learned how to survive possibly. I used to spent time with my parents. Saw how beautiful their relationship is. I never admired their relationship as much as I admire now. I had seen them going through the worst phase together. My parents knew I wasn't happy. They thought possibly it's because of my test and studies. My rank used to be around 200 in every test where the total number of students were around 3000. That's why my parents thought I wasn't happy with the rank. They used to play games with me. Honestly, if they had asked for a second that what's bothering you then may be I would have cried Infront from them. My brother even don't know about this. I don't know how tom was that time. Possibly damn happy. We didn't talked for a second even. Now, looking back I really think, he doesn't deserve a conversation with me. He doesn't deserve me even. Not because I'm better than him. He is much better than me in every field but because he doesn't deserve caring person like me.😄 Honestly I got tears in my eyes after writing this. I can't explain this pain. 

You know if he had said the same truth which he said later, then surely, I wouldn't have cried this much. It was obvious because I thought he loved me and we can't be together because of some other reason. I hate him for this. He lied everything. Even ask him about relationship, it was also a lie. I really don't know when he said the truth even. (I'm frustrated now).

JUNE 

• 1st June : I got a dream that night related to him. Was worried when I woke up. Thought of texting him the very moment but couldn't dare. After asking this from my friend, I installed my second WhatsApp (I had used it once when our test was going in May.) Messaged him at night possibly saying what exactly happened. His exact reaction was, "it's a dream". 🤦 Lol, I know it was a dream but what if it was a real one. Anyways, after talking I felt better that he is fine atleast. I don't know how but no matter how much you try to avoid someone but still if they are hurted a little then you are hurted too. You feel the same pain too. 

•6th June : His birthday. I'm saying this honestly, I didn't wanted to wish me. Not attitude or something but I really thought we don't have anything. Wishing him will be awkward. But at the end I wished him. It's because sofa and his favourite, musku especially told me to wish from their side too. I don't know why but musku used to like him alot. I remember writing all the paragraphs first. I don't know how I got that idea of talking tom, may be when I was playing it😅. Wrote everything in Telugu again. Seriously, it took me around 1 hour to do all these things. And when typed on WhatsApp trust me it took around 20 minutes to write the first paragraph. And that idiot was sleeping 🤦. Who sleeps on his birthday 🤷. Anyways, seriously what he said me when he read everything was thank you so much. 🤷. Now I understand why he is such a duffer. 😂

•14th June : Sushant's death. I don't know but he was the oh celebrity I used to follow in insta. It was because he used to post things related to science and that's why I used to admire him. I was never his big fan but seeing Kai Po Che ending scene where he used to die, seriously it always made me cry. I don't know but when he died I felt alot bad. I couldn't talk to any because of this. Deshna was the one who was with me in the same situation.

I don't know how this month was honestly. There was so many things go in and out. Sushant's death was the one which helped me in moving on a little bit. I don't know but in may their was a situation where I didn't wished to live and that's why it automatically got related to his situation. Though honestly I don't know how these all came to my mind. May be when we are sad we don't see anything. 

Sofa was one of the most supportive person in my life. She used to be with me whenever I needed her. I remember crying over phone call so many times because of him. And she was the one listening to me. How can I glorify this relationship more? I don't have words to describe my relationship with her. She is love ❤️. 

JULY 

I don't remember how this month went. But I remember meeting one of my good friend. We met through Quora at the mid of the month possibly around 15-17th of July. He was the one with whom I shared everything (just related to him) apart from my friends. I don't know how but he had told me that be sure the reason was different. Actually, initially we didn't talked much. But later on, may be at the end of the month we started talking more. I remember I had a conversation with him at 2 in the night where we were talking about movies and songs. We had one thing common. We both liked Dear Comrade so much. And that's why we had so many things to discuss on it. The person is  Rohith 😜. Even now, when I don't text him for days then he text me and asks something and start the conversation. He actually doesn't like him. I don't know why. Even I remember may be around September, I had sent him the screenshot of my WhatsApp chat list because I was showing him something. And can you guess whom he noticed? Only him in the whole chat list. And his exact lines were, "why do you talk to that person who has hurted you purposely". And he isn't wrong even. Even my whole friend group is against him🤦. Even two- three days back he has texted me again saying something and when I replied he is still in confusion of what to say next😂. Lol😜

AUGUST 

•14th August: Installed WhatsApp again. 

•16th August : this was surely the most unsaid conversation that happened. I didn't knew how this happened but texted me and said the truth. Honestly, I creid alot that day. It happened that I knew it was gonna happen as rohith had said me earlier. But the truth was I had told Rohith that he can't lie. He is not a type of person who lies or who can cheat. Though at the end Rohith was right. Even that night when I was crying, sofa were the one listening to me. 

•29th August : Akka's birthday. I don't know how but in between all these we became good friends. She is such a sweet heart ❤️. 

August was the starting month when I tried moving on. I remember writing eventually everything ends and the last letter. Both was for him but I couldn't dare to share it with him. Even honestly, my whole friend group is against him. Akka takes his side soemtimes but then also she always says me to stay away from him. Obviously she had created to so many doubts in my mind. There are so many questions still left to answer from his side. And to be honest, after this when he said the truth. I couldn't believe for days. Honestly, till now I think he lied everything . I don't know why he wanted the relationship that time. I actually believe now that he never said the truth. Even all of our conversation was lie. And he never loved me too. Even love was a lie too. (Take the disgusting emoji here). 😏 I'm actually damn frustrated by all these now.

SEPTEMBER 

•9th September : My brother and dida's birthday. Had videocall from my complete family. 

•13th September : it was around this when Akka had called me around 1 and she was crying. Something had happened to her. And I knew she needed support that time. 

I don't remember anything in this month. From now on I was not sad about the relationship but instead sad about my studies. My test series was going fine. But still I wasn't sure. Akka was their all the time. And actually we both needed a best friend that time. And we became too ❤️. 

OCTOBER 

•16th October : Just 3 days before my birthday he blocked me. I don't know what the reason was. On my birthday I had said the same to Rohith when I had told him why he didn't wished me my birthday. Honestly, I don't know what he thought after seeing that status related to him. Because even if he says he talk to some girl, I won't mind that much. Jealousy is normal but nothing more than that. It's because I trust him. And most importantly I know what I talk to my male friends. If he had that much problem, he could have asked me. And I could have shared whole conversation with him. But no, he thinks he's over smart, he can do anything. He can hurt anyone. 😏😏😏

•19th October : My birthday. Got first wish from Akka, Anu, Brother, Deshna and last from Rohith and Akka. I cried that day because of him. Seriously, I don't remember when did the last time I cried on my birthday. But thanks to me he did this. And honestly, this was the last time I cried for him. After that day, I didn't cried even for once. See na, the person who can make me cry on my special day what can I expect from him. I say this frankly, after this day, he lost respect from my side. This person has so much ego that he couldn't even be down for me, not even for once. How someone can hurt their close person so much? (I think for me he's close not sure about him). 🥺 (Crying emoji). 

October was fairly good until he blocked me and I cried. Everything was going good that time. Studies were well. Everything was good. It's my favourite month even so obviously 😜💙. 

NOVEMBER 

• 14th November :  Diwali. Did all the fun with cousins. Mostly clicked lame pictures actually 😜. 

•16th November : Met with accident. No idea where I was going. I think

 mental pain>>> physical pain . 

Couldn't do anything. Was not in the state to talk even. 

I don't know but November was interesting as well bad. Bad because I had my accident. And interesting because I met (talked) many of school friends. Had nice time with them. It was overall good. 

DECEMBER 

• 7th December :. Cousin's Tilak. Met jiju and my complete family again. Fun was going to start. 

•9th December: Can you believe we all danced continuously for 3 hours on road? It was awesome. Worn my favourite lehenga. Even words can't describe how much dance and masti (fun) we did that night. Met few new people who ended up being good friends of mine. Remember that introvert friend?😜

•10th December: we all had fun that day too. Was teasing our cousin because it was his first night. Though what we heard now from Bhabhi, dida and I couldn't control our laughter😂. (Private talks🤘🤞). 

•11th December: We all went to Bodhgaya first. Had lots of fun there. Helped our 10 years old cousin (Teddy) in his exams. Yes, we did helped him in cheating and it was fun😂. (Lots of stories to share from these days). Worn saree. 💙 Reception day 😜

•12th December: Again we all went to Bodhgaya. Had fun their roaming here and there. 

• 24th December: Texted Tom. It was text message (SMS) . You know it took me 1 hour to convince Akka that I should text him and talk to him atleast for once because I can't trust all that non sense screenshot. My heart beat raised and was shaking too when I texted him. Akka told me to write, "hey/hello" but instead I preferred writing his name. Unfortunately that message wasn't delivered. We both are Jio users so it would have shown me .🤷 I regret sending the message even. 🤦

•25th December : I just erased his name from my diary. That diary had just two things written where I pray everyday. Can you believe I prayed around 360 days for us, for him. But when just 5 days were left. I was so frustrated even not frustrated, I just accepted the truth and may be I should let the person with whom he is, pray from him. 

Went to Nalanda with cousins. Did so much fun. Long drives are love 💙.

•26th December: Unplanned trip happened. We all went to rajgir. There we went to Pandu Pokhar and did all the adventurous activity. 😜 The Zip line, Bungee jumping, boat riding and like these many 🤷. It was fun. Slept with Bhabhi and dida that night. And watched horror movie where Bhabhi slept as soon as we said it's horror😂. Doctor sleep was the movie. Honestly, it's not even horror. No ghosts at all. Boring movie 🤦.

•27th December: Wanted to write this post. But couldn't get time😏. Same with 28th December. 

I really think December was the best month. Though my knees got pain again but we did all those adventures. Tripped with family. Worn my favourite dresses. Got so many new people ( though we all don't talk, what to talk even?). But trust me it was the best month ❤️. 

Before this end, I wanna say something. Possibly this is my last post of this year. And it's 99th post (draft+articles). So new year will turn into century😂. I mentioned about Tom so many times here. So writing this for the last time. 

I don't know what was their when we met. I know I'm not a kind who can fall for someone so easily. Trust me, it take me months/year(sometimes) to like something. You know, when the first time we both talked. I didn't said anything wrong there. And may be he too. May be we went into the relationship so fast. But I was sure that I liked him. It's been over a year and I still like him. I don't know how but since the day I had met him, I couldn't imagine/see anyone. I don't find anyone as charming/smart/intelligent/cute as I find him. I agree since I'm in my hometown. I met few of my male friends, some are dida's freinds and family too who are in my contact. Some are from quora too. But whether he trusts me or not, I never thought about any like that. Even when I met rohith, before he might develop feelings for me, I told him that I like someone else. And he still knows that I can never like him. We are just friends. Few of my school batchmates says me love you but that doesn't mean we have something. You know what hurted me the day he blocked me seeing my status was the thing that he can't trust even. And honestly, what's the use of jealousy even. He doesn't like me neither we can ever have something. You know when on 25th December, I erased your name from my diary after that not even for once, I prayed for us being together. And I know we can't be. I have accepted this fact long back. I don't know how I started liking you so much. How you became so important? I don't blame you even, it happened automatically possibly. I'm sure I'm not gonna text you after all these. Neither you are gonna be. So may be this year was the last time when we tried keeping things together. But it couldn't be. See, I don't know whether what is right or what is wrong. But after all these, I don't want him. I don't want someone who makes me cry throughout the year. I'm happy like this. And I know that he'll never change. And I can't hurt myself because of him everytime. I don't want to write long paragraphs for him and neither have intentions to send him. I don't want him to see my worth now. Wherever he is, be happy that's set. I think happiness is what we needs at the end. 🥺😄 

I waited for him around a year. I can't wait more. It's not only about waiting but it's about the damage he's doing. You know, I always believed that everything could be done right at the end. But after seeing our, I don't think it can ever be right. So, for a last time. May be after this post I won't mention about you. May be 15th October was the last day we talked. May be my every prayer went into vain which was related to us. May be every feelings that I have for you won't ever show up again. May be this time you could have texted atleast. May be this time you could have tried handling things between us. And may be you should have remembered the new years promise. I do remember and I fulfilled it. I stayed with you throughout the year. You forgot. You left. And you broke the promise. Don't ever say me that promises are meant to be broken Because no matter what I say, I always keep my promise. So just in case we don't talk further. I know we won't. Happy New Year. Hope you get all your wishes fulfilled. 

Everytime I cried for him. I wrote here what I was feeling. Since it's the end. So, I'm keeping this here. Bye forever! 🙃

I never thought that this wrap will contain all my favourite photos and person. ❤️ 

The year thought me so much. I cried, I was hurted, sad but at the end everything changed. I learned. I grew. I'm happy. That's what life is all about. 😄

Happy New year to everyone in advance. 

Thank you 💙